• Headline: ZACH BRAFF MANIA SWEEPS ZACH BRAFF'S APARTMENT
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (), Romany Malco (Skittle / Refugee / Hot Rod), Thandie Newton (Makeva), Seth Rogen (Student), Christine Taylor (Candy), Rob Tinkler (Clerk)
• Written By: Josh Bycel & Jonathan Fener
• Directed By: Albert Calleros

• Headline: JEWISH GYNECOLOGIST DEVELOPS PAP SCHMEAR
• Also Starring: Lizzy Caplan (Debbie), Jeff Fischer (Jeff), David Herman (Man / Zack), Ron Lynch (), Matt McKenna (), Azura Skye (Veronica), Patrick Stewart (Bullock)
• Written By: Dan Vebber
• Directed By: Pam Cooke

• Headline: DESPONDENT PLUTO DROWNS TWO OF ITS MOONS
• Also Starring: Curtis Armstrong (Snot), Christine Baranski (Homeless Woman), Mike Barker (), Paget Brewster (Judy), Beau Bridges (Lieutenant Thacker), John DiMaggio (Priest / Repo Guy), Elias Koteas (Jim), Swoosie Kurtz (Marilyn), Scott Lowell (Felix), Patrick Stewart (Bullock), Daisuke Suzuki (Toshi), Fred Tatasciore (), Eddie Kaye Thomas (Barry)
• Written By: Etan Cohen
• Directed By: Rodney Clouden

• Headline: BUSH TO VOTERS: VOTES FOR DEMS KILL ANGELS!
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (), Wilson Cruz (Male Fan / Male Log Cabin Chorus / Hot Andew), Tom Hollander (Performance Artist Lincoln / Waiter), Scott Lowell (Brett), Matt McKenna (), Peter Paige (Jason), Stark Sands (Conservative Republican / Tino / Conservative #1), Fred Tatasciore ()
• Written By: Nahnatchka Khan & Rick Wiener & Kenny Schwartz
• Directed By: Brent Woods

• Headline: DEMS TAKE HOUSE, REPUBLICANS GET RECORD COLLECTION
• Also Starring: Curtis Armstrong (Snot / Fladnag), John DiMaggio (Leon / Brad), Jeff Fischer (Jeff / Zamfir), Daisuke Suzuki (Toshio / Popo), Eddie Kaye Thomas (Barry / Flandnag)
• Written By: Michael Shipley & Jim Bernstein
• Directed By: Kurt Dumas & Anthony Lioi

• Headline: RUMSFELD STEPS DOWN... ON PUPPY'S HEAD
• Also Starring: Lizzy Caplan (Debbie), Karen Maruyama (Kichiro), Matt McKenna (), Kevin M. Richardson (), Elijah Wood (Ethan)
• Written By: Steve Hely
• Directed By: Caleb Meurer

• Headline: TURKEY UPRISING FAILS!
• Also Starring: Curtis Armstrong (Snot), Mike Barker (Terry Bates), Tom Hollander (), Austin Majors (Thomas), Ivana Milicevic (Svetlana), Martin Mull (Father Donovan), Andre Sogliuzzo (Teacher), Daisuke Suzuki (Toshi), Eddie Kaye Thomas (Barry)
• Written By: Brian Boyle
• Directed By: John Aoshima

• Headline: TRANS FATS BANNED IN NYC, FAT TRANNIES STILL OK
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (), Johnny Galecki (Arnie Squirrel), Leslie Jordan (Beauregard), John Krasinski (Gilbert Squirrel), Rusty Schwimmer (Mama Squirrel), Andre Sogliuzzo (), Jon Stewart (Himself)
• Written By: Chris McKenna & Matt McKenna
• Directed By: Pam Cooke

• Headline: EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! SANTA EXITS SLEIGH, FLASHES CROTCH
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (Terry Bates), Chris Diamantopolous (Donald Sutherland / Robert Deniro), Rick Hoffman (Caroller #1 / John Hinkley), Lisa Kudrow (Ghost of Christmas Past), Matt McKenna (), Sam Pancake ()
• Written By: Brian Boyle
• Directed By: Albert Calleros

• Headline: IT'S 2007... STILL NO FLYING CARS
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (), Chris Cox (George W. Bush), Jeff Fischer (Jeff), Mike Henry (Jackson), Bobby Lee (Korean Man), Stephen Root (Dick / Co-Worker #4), Patrick Stewart (Bullock), Fred Tatasciore (Secret Service Agent)
• Written By: Matt Weitzman & Mike Barker
• Directed By: Mike Kim

• Headline: GIRLFRIEND DUMPED AFTER ASKING "WHO'S IN WORLD SERIES BOWL?"
• Also Starring: Curtis Armstrong (Snot), Mike Barker (), Mary Jo Catlet, () Miguel Ferrer (Agent Hopkins), Mike Henry (), Leila Hoyle (), Niecy Nash (Patty Labelle), Elizabeth Pena (Store Owner), Louie Perez (), Iggy Pop (Jerry), Efren Ramirez (Paco), Stark Sands (Williams), Patrick Stewart (Bullock), Daisuke Suzuki (Toshi), Eddie Kaye Thomas (Barry), Matt Weitzman ()
• Written By: Nahnatchka Khan
• Directed By: Rodney Clouden

• Headline: HOMEMADE VALENTINE PROVES THOUGHT DOESN'T COUNT
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (Gordon), Jeff Fischer (Jeff), Peter Graves (Mr. Pibb), Masam Holden (Henry), Patton Oswalt (Bob)
• Written By: Dan Vebber
• Directed By: Joe Daniello

• Headline: IRAN CHANGES FLAG TO MIDDLE FINGER
• Also Starring: Curtis Armstrong (Snot), Kevin Michael Richardson (Principal Lewis)
• Written By: Laura McCreary
• Directed By: Brent Woods

• Headline: SCOOTER LIBBY FARTS, PARDONED
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (Flower), Lisa Edelstein (Sharri Rothberg), Elliot Gould (Russel Rothberg), Mike Henry (Buckle), Deanne Jeffries (Woman), Matt McKenna (Mountain Man), Liz Sheridan (Mrs. Rothberg), Patrick Stewart (Bullock)
• Written By: Erik Durbin
• Directed By: John Aoshima

• Headline: CHILDHOOD OBESITY UP, PEDOPHILIA DOWN
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (), Mike Henry (Jackson), Jane Lynch (), Stephen Root (Dick), Lyndon Smith (), Patrick Stewart (Bullock), Ally Walker ()
• Written By: David Zuckerman
• Directed By: Caleb Meurer

• Headline: AIRLINES TO SCREEN EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
• Also Starring: Curtis Armstrong (Snot), Mike Barker (Biology Teacher), Paget Brewster (), Chris Diamantopoulos (Guy / Old Man), Michael Dunn (), Matt McKenna (), Becki Newton (), Terri Rodrigues (), Daisuke Suzuki (Toshi), Eddie Kaye Thomas (Barry)
• Written By: Rick Wiener & Kenny Schwartz
• Directed By: Rodney Clouden

• Headline: MEXICAN PRESIDENT CREATES NEW TACO SUPREME COURT
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (Terry Bates), Paul Butcher (Johnny), Chris Diamantopoulos (Jim / Executive), Mike Henry (Jackson), Ron Livingston (Bob Memari), Ann Magnusson (), Becki Newton (), Megin Price (Linda Memari), Patrick Stewart (Bullock), Fred Tatasciore ()
• Written By: Michael Shipley & Jim Bernstein
• Directed By: Pam Cooke

• Headline: PLANE DELAYED AS MRS. PLANE FINISHES GETTING READY
• Also Starring: Curtis Armstrong (Snot), Harve Presnell (), Daisuke Suzuki (Toshi), Eddie Kaye Thomas (Barry), Carnie Wilson (Cashier / Woman)
• Written By: Steve Hely
• Directed By: Mike Kim

• Headline: POPEYE INSISTS: "OLIVE OIL AIN'T NO VIRGIN!"
• Also Starring: Mike Barker (), Clancy Brown (Jeff's Dad), Jeff Fischer (Jeff), Richard Gant (Leprechaun), David Herman (), J. Lee (), Daran Norris (Jack Smith)
• Written By: Keith Heisler
• Directed By: Joe Daniello