• Blackboard Line: THIS PUNISHMENT IS NOT BORING AND POINTLESS
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden, Tress MacNeille, Maggie Roswell, Russi Taylor
• Special Guest Voice: Marcia Wallace
• Written By: David M. Stern
• Directed By: Mark Kirkland

• Blackboard Line: MY NAME IS NOT DR. DEATH
• Also Starring: Maggie Roswell, Lona Williams
• Special Guest Voice: Phil Hartman, Jon Lovitz
• Written By: Jeff Martin
• Directed By: Rich Moore

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT DEFAME NEW ORLEANS
• Also Starring: Maggie Roswell
• Written By: George Meyer
• Directed By: Jim Reardon

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT PRESCRIBE MEDICATION
• Special Guest Voice: Bob Hope
• Also Starring: Doris Grau, Jo Ann Harris, Pamela Hayden, Lona Williams
• Written By: Jeff Martin
• Directed By: Mark Kirkland

• Blackboard Line: None
• Starring: Decaying Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kadaver Kavner, Nocturnal Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Psycho Smith, Scare Ya' Hank Azaria, Fearsome Harry Shearer
• Special Guest Voice: Macabre Marcia Wallace
• Also Starring: Rabid Russi Taylor
• Written By: Atrocious Al Jeans & Morbid Mike Reiss & Johnny Katastrophe Kogen & Warped Wally Wolodarsky & Scarifying Sam Simon & Vicious Jack Vitti
• Directed By: Bloodcurdling Carlos Baeza

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT BURY THE NEW KID (I WILL TRY TO RAISE A BETTER CHILD) Written by Marge
• Special Guest Voice: Marcia Wallace
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden, Maggie Roswell
• Written By: John Swartzwelder
• Directed By: Rich Moore

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT TEACH OTHERS TO FLY
• Special Guest Voices: Phil Hartman, Tom Jones, Marcia Wallace
• Written By: Bill Oakley & Josh Weinstein
• Directed By: Jeff Lynch

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT BRING SHEEP TO CLASS
• Special Guest Voices: Sara Gilbert, Phil Hartman, Pamela Reed
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden, Maggie Roswell
• Written By: Conan O'Brien
• Directed By: Wes Archer

• Blackboard Line: A BURP IS NOT AN ANSWER
• Special Guest Voices: Phil Hartman, Linda Ronstadt, Adam West
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden
• Written By: Jon Vitti
• Directed By: Jim Reardon

• Blackboard Line: TEACHER IS NOT A LEPER
• Special Guest Voice: Elizabeth Taylor
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden
• Written By: Jeff Martin
• Directed By: Mark Kirkland

• Blackboard Line: COFFEE IS NOT FOR KIDS
• Also Starring: Maggie Roswell
• Written By: Gary Apple & Michael Carrington
• Directed By: David Silverman

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT EAT THINGS FOR MONEY
• Special Guest Voices: Phil Hartman, Leonard Nimoy
• Also Starring: Doris Grau, Maggie Roswell
• Written By: Conan O'Brien
• Directed By: Rich Moore

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT YELL "SHE'S DEAD" AT ROLL CALL
• Special Guest Voice: Phil Hartman
• Also Starring: Doris Grau, Pamela Hayden
• Written By: David M. Stern
• Directed By: Carlos Baeza

• Blackboard Line: THE PRINCIPAL'S TOUPEE IS NOT A FRISBEE
• Special Guest Voices: Phil Hartman, Marcia Wallace
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden, Tress MacNeille, Russi Taylor
• Written By: Jon Vitti
• Directed By: Jeff Lynch

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT CALL THE PRINCIPAL "SPUD HEAD"
• Also Starring: Michael Carrington, Doris Grau, Pamela Hayden, Maggie Roswell
• Written By: Frank Mula
• Directed By: Wes Archer

• Blackboard Line: GOLDFISH DON'T BOUNCE
• Special Guest Voices: Phil Hartman, Marcia Wallace
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden, Maggie Roswell
• Written By: David M. Stern
• Directed By: Jim Reardon

• Blackboard Line: MUD IS NOT ONE OF THE 4 FOOD GROUPS
• Special Guest Voice: Dr. Joyce Brothers
• Written By: Jay Kogen & Wallace Wolodarsky
• Directed By: Mark Kirkland

• Blackboard Line: NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN MY UNDERPANTS
• Also Starring: Maggie Roswell
• Written By: Jon Vitti
• Directed By: Carlos Baeza

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT SELL MIRACLE CURES
• Special Guest Voice: Brooke Shields
• Also Starring: Doris Grau, Maggie Roswell
• Written By: Adam I. Lapidus
• Directed By: Rich Moore

• Blackboard Line: I WILL RETURN THE SEEING-EYE DOG
• Special Guest Voice: Barry White
• Also Starring: Doris Grau, Pamela Hayden
• Written By: John Swartzwelder
• Directed By: Jeff Lynch

• Blackboard Line: I DO NOT HAVE DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY
• Special Guest Voices: David Crosby, Phil Hartman
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden, Tress MacNeille, Maggie Roswell
• Written By: Bill Oakley & Josh Weinstein
• Directed By: Jim Reardon

• Blackboard Line: I WILL NOT CHARGE ADMISSION TO THE BATHROOM
• Special Guest Voices: Johnny Carson, Hugh Hefner, Bette Midler, Luke Perry, Red Hot Chili Peppers (Anthony Kiedis & Flea & Chad Smith & Arik Marshall), Elizabeth Taylor, Marcia Wallace, Barry White
• Also Starring: Pamela Hayden
• Written By: John Swartzwelder
• Directed By: David Silverman